Most of my experiences with spiritual battle come from revisiting my (pre-christian) past.
Jeez...they never end. Is it that hard to erase such memories?
When I was in my weird almost-emo/rebel phase, I used to really like this song by Skye Sweetnam called "Fallen Through." It's about continuously falling into someone's trap, again and again, no matter how much you've tried to shove him out of your life.
Seeps in underneath the door
Sinks in and stains the floor
I don't know what to feel
Takes so long for these wounds to heal
Tell me it's not really real
Pretend she's singing about satan and how much he throws all the insecurities of a reckless past back in your face. That is what it feels like. Like poison bubbling in my chest, being pumped through my veins and shaking me up. It's that bad.
This is what I pray for in the new year: for my past to become a useless weapon to satan. Instead of being torn up every time I'm reminded of who I was, I want to be moved even more by the evidence of God's grace. I want to see how powerful it really is, how easily it can overcome the weaker power of satan's ploys. How it turned my life around 180 degrees in this past year, and how it will continue to change me in the present and future.
2011 ready!
