Last time I had a date, I still lived with my parents. I told my dad about it that day, and he said, "Your wardrobe is already too conspicuous. The only way you'd be able to impress any guy would be to dress like Lady Gaga." I thought this was ridiculous and ended up wearing my orange-and-red striped glittery dress. Absolutely gorgeous. It was strapless, short, and flowy, but just so, so it wasn't too slutty. It was my favorite dress, and I wore it with a matching red headband. When my date picked me up in his car at 6, he took one look at me and stared at the road for the rest of the 20-minute drive without talking. Then we had dinner at this Japanese restaurant, and he kept checking his phone. And when he dropped me off at my house that night, he yawned instead of saying goodbye.
So I think maybe my dad was right. Quentin works at the bakery I head to before work every morning while half-asleep, so I better look extremely presentable. Since we were going to a lobster restaurant for dinner, I told my roommate Laurie, who was somewhat of a costume designer, a week in advance to make me a lobster dress.
She did wonderfully. It looked like this:I also wore a gold headband with a stuffed lobster glued to it. Laurie was with me while I waited for Quentin to pick me up from my apartment.
"Oh goodness, I'm so nervous, I'm so freaking nervous, I haven't been on a date for so long," I was screaming. Laurie kept bringing me water. "Dammit Laurie, stop giving me so much water. I'm going to pee my pants."
"Sorry," Laurie said. "Let's pray for your date." We prayed but it seemed to last only a few seconds. "Feel any better?"
"A little," I allowed, readjusting my headband. "Oh, Lord, what if he doesn't date Christians?"
Laurie stared at me incredulously, and the buzzer went off.
Quentin liked my dress! He asked me if I had it custom-made for the date, and I said yes. He laughed and said he was touched. We got out of the car, and I saw that the gold spikes on my dress had made dents in the seat's leather. I apologized at least five thousand times, and Quentin laughed again.
The dinner was delicious, and I think at one point I was so busy stuffing myself with lobster that I forgot he was there. I don't remember what we talked about because I was so nervous. I don't know what I was so nervous about, because Quentin was nice and kept smiling at me. He didn't check his phone once.
"You're fun, Lea," he told me as we drove back to my apartment.
"Oh!" I said, because this was a big surprise. I kept wanting to lean back on the chair but I didn't want to leave holes in the seat. Stupid Laurie, she shouldn't have made the dress belt so sharp. "Thank you, I think you're an interesting human being as well."
Quentin laughed out loud. "What makes you think that?"
"Because," I said, as we closed in on my building and slowed down to a stop, "you fit all the standards of an interesting human being."
"And what might those be?"
I said, "Well..." And then I realized, I had no idea what made Quentin interesting. Nothing he said at dinner was worth remembering, and everything he was wearing--blue button-down, gray suit--made me want to yawn. His plainness was what made my weirdness stand out, which had made me feel incredibly nervous and overdressed. "Are you Christian?" I blurted instead.
Quentin stared at me. "Well no, I'm not."
"Here," I digged through my purse and shoved a church pamphlet at him. "Read this. Okaythanksfordinnerbye!"
I pounded on the apartment door because I didn't feel like finding my keys. Laurie answered immediately, and I started to cry.
"Oh, no, you're early," she said. "Let me guess, he thought your outfit was boring?"
"No," I said, stomping into the room and throwing my purse on the counter. "His was the boring one." I kept crying.
LOL I like Quentin.
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