This morning, my life group leader prayed, in the midst of asking for welcoming hearts, that we would encounter someone significant today, someone who doesn't yet know Christ. And I was like, "Okay, most of the time this never actually happens but if on the off chance it does, I can deal with it!" And guess what happened?
I work at one of the dining halls. It's not a difficult job but there is a lot of people skills required and a LOT of patience+love needed. Last semester, it was not hard to be able to share my faith with a few co-workers because although most of them were atheist, they were open to hearing what I had to say. However, I eventually got to drag one to the Jaeson Ma event..and it was a disaster. We were on the balcony and as Jaeson Ma was preaching, my co-worker got really angry and was muttering condescending remarks like, "That's just your opinion!" and "Are you kidding me? The last thing China needs is Jesus!" Everyone kept staring at us, and (Strike 1) I felt so embarrassed. Then, when we were asked to stand or lift up our hands, my co-worker just looked at me and said sarcastically, "Why don't you do it? Ignore me, and just do what everyone else is doing, since you're so into this stuff." Because I didn't want to succumb to his ridicule, (Strike 2) I just sat there, angry at myself for even bringing him. Eventually, we had to pray in groups and that's when my co-worker decided to leave. I was (guiltily) washed with relief. On the way out, I asked, "Did you enjoy it?" and he said, "It was..okay." He reassured me that he would continue to respect my faith, and then he was gone. That rest of the night, I thought over all the things he had said and watched as people repented and wept and praised the Lord. My bitterness was building up, and I got pissed, just so pissed, cynically thinking about why these nights of tears don't happen as often as they should and telling myself that if they did, then I would have been so much bolder with my faith. And (Strike 3) I refused to let God in for a long time after that. Instead of ministering to my co-worker, I fell into step alongside him on the wrong path.
Tonight, one of my (strong-minded) co-workers was talking about a play she wanted to audition for, called In the Beginning. "It's making fun of the Bible," she said. "I want to be the Virgin Mary!" My coordinator was also there, and he said, "I want to audition too! I want to be Jesus!" As they laughed and criticized the ridiculous beliefs of Christians, I just stood there, speechless while piling fruits and remembering the words of my life group leader this morning. I pray that we will meet someone special today, that we will be able to speak into their lives and build up a relationship with them through which they'll know Christ. I stood there until my coordinator left, so then it was just me and the girl. I asked God, "Should I stay on this topic? Should I ask her about her beliefs? Tell me what I should do!" And I felt God just standing there, next to me, saying with a divine calmness, "I'm not going to convict you this time. It's up to you. It's your own choice."
Twenty silent minutes later, I told myself it was too awkward to bring the topic up again and then I went to cut some marble torte cake. Next time, if she brings it up again, I'll ask. I'll ask and share with her for sure. After work, I met with my pre-Christian LCG and she just challenged me all over again about why I even believed in God. I left that meeting so aware of how young I was in my faith--not in a time-wise, self-justifying way, but rather in my lack of desperation to know Him more. I marveled over how much I sucked at being a good witness. Sorry Jessica, I put your prayer to waste. I let God down again.
How well do you know the Word? Not well at all. And how willing are you to join the feet of those who bring Good News? Not willing enough.
So do something about it.
