Can I apologize if I've been rude to you lately? Will you forgive me so I can see your smile again?
I looked through my livejournal blog from last year, which details raw emotions fluctuating stronger than a y=10sin(10x) graph. I went to beginning of November, 2009, and was so amazed by how much I resisted God's outreaching hand, relying solely on emotions and past experiences as if there were only one way of letting Him take me in.
November 9, 2009
What kind of experience or feeling is that, of being saved? I don't think I have been saved yet because there isn't one particular moment or day that strikes me as when You truly took me by the hand and mended my wounds when I was at my lowest, not that I really had terrible traumas since knowing You...yet (never I hope).
Yesterday I talked to Pastor Seth, and he pointed out to me the narrow path I was walking on and told me about perspectives. God wants to help solve my problems. We have the same solutions in mind but for me, there are only few ways to get there from the lessons of my broken past and out of what I know. For Him, there are a billion, infinite ways to get there... out of what He knows. I only know how to serve Him through my experiences, through what I learned from my freshman year. But now He's showing me other ways to love and other ways to serve, routes I never imagined would lead to giving Him glory but do, all the same. I was shocked, the limitlessness of God once something completely non-comprehensible but now being shown in a sliver through His work in our lives. Isn't this amazing?
1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.
I'm sorry for being frustrated with you, for not taking into consideration that you're trying your best to serve God too, just in a completely different way than I know. So let us all try to teach each other the best of what we know, through which we will know God's heart all the more :).
