When I was younger, I remember thinking I was always justified when I got bitter at other people. My moods have fluctuated like crazy ever since the depression I suffered years ago but I never blamed myself for them because I told myself I was right anyway. Everyone else was of fault, less good and less understanding.
Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
I love this passage, and for some reason, this is one of those that more often pops into my head and won't get out. That's how ridiculously self-righteous I am, that God has to remind me of those three verses constantly.
Jessica (my spiritual momma!) probed me today about my decision-making. Why do you always decide based on your emotions? Why do you always let your mood get in the way of obeying God? Don't just dismiss upsetting things as bad things. Lifting burdens from your heart doesn't equate to tossing them away. It means bringing those burdens to God.
She must have talked for about thirty minutes straight. Which breaks her twenty-minute record from fall semester that happened to have taken place at the very same restaurant.
"If only your prayers were that long," I joked after she had finished, and she laughed.
But honestly, I have no doubt her prayers are even longer. And secretly, I wish I could talk that passionately about seeking God, and I wish my prayers were even half as long.
Selfishness is something that I'll never be able to climb out of completely. "Consider the movie of life...From start to finish, this movie is obviously about God. He is the main character," Francis Chan wrote in Crazy Love. I think of it like, what good is it to be cast as an extra in a movie and instead of doing what you're told, you run around rebelling and complaining about the environment, the props, and your fellow extras? In the end, the director will just yell "cut!" and throw you out of his movie. Even though God loves you enough to give you second (and third and fourth) chances, Jessica pointed out: "why would you take advantage of His love (and keep rebelling)?"
But with this in mind, I know I still suck at playing even such a minute role in that movie of life. God, please discipline me in Your love!
(P.S.)
"But the goodness is something you don't have to chase 'cause it's following you."
