excerpt from "the love song of j. alfred prufrock"

For I have known them all already, known them all;
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
- T.S. Eliot

coveted

Today, I just watched the very last episode of "Wizards of Waverly Place" today (yes..I am a child). My little sister is in love with it, and in love with Selena Gomez, so when I thought of her, I was reminded of how excited she was to watch it and decided to see it for myself. It premiered last Friday.

Though the script was kind of rushed, the ending really touched me!!! The three siblings were competing to become the family wizard (there can only be one), and in a twist, two of them sacrificed themselves for each other. Because of this, it left me with such a big smile. Weirdly though, it reminded me of this song:



When I watched the music video, I found out that it was about sacrifice too, coincidentally. It makes me so happy that this is one of the few things today that remains so beautiful and coveted. :)

revolt

"(Many students have) either been told or insinuated college was unattainable because of their ethnicity or economic status. Teachers can only do so much. Change media and pop culture, to reflect education as a positive."

When I look at the state of public education today, and then I look at the way it used to be, I die a little. Changing American culture--is this the only way out? If that is the case, we can only remain pessimists. The entire world is trapped in a cycle that is heading into a pitfall of educational and societal poverty. We need a revolution.

awakening

"I am sure all of heaven's heard me cry as I tell You all the reasons why this life is just too hard. But day by day without fail, I'm finding everything I need and everything that You are to me..." "Every Time I Breathe" - Big Daddy Weave

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41b, Mark 14:38b

Every time I find I am always scared, afraid to embrace it wholly. He speaks of freedom and of security and of life in Him. And every time I approach it, I hesitate; I can't believe it's real. I'm too closed up to let Him in. There are so many paradoxes in the things people tell me about Him that I leave each moment with doubt in my heart and satan's whispers a little too close to my ear.

I can sing worship songs, give you praise, do good things.. Do these mean anything, God? If I still can't admit the truth and be honest with myself? If I don't let myself be loved?

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age." Titus 2:11-12

At the end of the day, I'm still getting caught in my own traps because my lies are still louder than God's truths. I am not taught. I am not upright. What will it take to pull me up, God? What will it take to make You scream at me, yell at me, throw me around, so that I can finally understand?

blessed

What I love about my life group leader is that he really knows how to console people. His words never equate to “you are the problem..your problems are what cause more problems.” Instead, he tells you, “This is you. This is the problem. You are stronger than it will ever be.” (Even though the first quote is often true, he will never say it. He knows it will not really motivate you at this point. Then he jokes about life and my cooking. Everybody has problems, you know.)

I’m so thankful.

(from ccxlia.tumblr.com)