blessed

What I love about my life group leader is that he really knows how to console people. His words never equate to “you are the problem..your problems are what cause more problems.” Instead, he tells you, “This is you. This is the problem. You are stronger than it will ever be.” (Even though the first quote is often true, he will never say it. He knows it will not really motivate you at this point. Then he jokes about life and my cooking. Everybody has problems, you know.)

I’m so thankful.

(from ccxlia.tumblr.com)

cinder

When you received your key for ignition

I smoldered and left

To think of one who'd regret -

not I; but you were correct

when you said:

Fan fire into flame.

But fire is greater than a single flame.

Unaffected yet, you stayed the same,

unchanged, until

you lost your keys and withered and wept

Yet still did not turn

me in, instead.

http://slatelywinded.tumblr.com/

after everything

As the smoke clears, I awaken and entangle you from me. Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed? All my windows still are broken, but I'm standing on my feet. -Demi Lovato, "Skyscraper"

i need a sleuth, not a spectator

When I was younger, I read quite an amount of books and watched a lot of (usually indie) films about mentally unstable people. Sometimes I did this while pretending I was actually holed up in a treehouse instead of on a squeaky leather couch. The movies sometimes got a little too crazy but the books always left me feeling empty, because I became obsessed with wanting to friend the crazy protagonist, as God knows my real friends were too normal to pay much understanding to me (I still feel that way sometimes though I'm now therapy-free).

***

I have a lot of bottled-up fears. One day I will stick them in a real bottle and watch them float across the Atlantic Ocean. Then people in Europe or Africa will find them and uncover my fingerprints and travel to America just to cradle me and tell me I'm stronger than these fears. Unless my bottles fail and someone in America finds them and tosses them away. (I'm sorry.) Americans are just not as romantic in my head.

***

Independence Day came and left. I wonder why we've reduced holiday celebrations to days off and fireworks and lots of barbequed food. Or repetitive songs and pretty lights and lots of baked food. Or just simply a lot of food. (With plenty of leftovers). And I don't even know what Labor Day is for anymore.

to you

"During the Great Proletariat Cultural Revolution (1966-76, implemented by Mao Zedong), all traditional religious were destroyed, and many Chinese became atheist. A requirement of joining the Chinese Communist Party is that members cannot be religious."

I'm studying for my Polsci 339 class "China's Evolution Under Communism" exam, and this makes me really sad. This reminds me of home--Shanghai, China. I grew up there under the care of my maternal grandparents. My grandpa used to be in a variety of local government positions and still proudly speaks at the occasional event; I see his pictures in the newspaper every time I visit. He rides his bike every morning to go out with his friends and comes home bringing random snacks for me and my cousin, who stays at my grandparents' during the summer. He really knows how to lead a family, how to speak for his people, how to discipline and how to give.

One thing I always remember about visiting is that my grandpa really likes to wear this blue dress shirt of his with a CCP badge hanging from it. He and my grandma are really proud to be part of the CCP. And my cousin, who is two years younger than me, was an aspiring youth member the last time I talked to her. You can see the love they have for their country and for the party, because it floods out of their enthusiasm with everything party-related they do. While I'm no socialist myself, I grew up under my grandparents' wings, and they have remained my biggest role models. Their love means truckloads to me. Their support is the greatest.

"A requirement of joining the Chinese Communist Party is that members cannot be religious."
"The CCP is the world's largest political party, with 80 million members."

But how can I minister to them? How can anyone minister to any of them?

God, I want to see your heart. All the room you made for your lost people. I want to see it filled.



We speak to nations, be open
We speak to nations, fall on your knees
We speak to nations, the kingdom is coming near to you.