"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41b, Mark 14:38b
Every time I find I am always scared, afraid to embrace it wholly. He speaks of freedom and of security and of life in Him. And every time I approach it, I hesitate; I can't believe it's real. I'm too closed up to let Him in. There are so many paradoxes in the things people tell me about Him that I leave each moment with doubt in my heart and satan's whispers a little too close to my ear.
I can sing worship songs, give you praise, do good things.. Do these mean anything, God? If I still can't admit the truth and be honest with myself? If I don't let myself be loved?
"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age." Titus 2:11-12
At the end of the day, I'm still getting caught in my own traps because my lies are still louder than God's truths. I am not taught. I am not upright. What will it take to pull me up, God? What will it take to make You scream at me, yell at me, throw me around, so that I can finally understand?
